Horsenwelles's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[A Hellbenders Christmas]

oh my god.

zach, we talked about this. we talked in depth about this. you haven't learned from your writing mistakes, nor pushed your actual funny ideas onto paper in a positive way. i don't know if this was chris's fault or what, but my god nothing about this was funny in any thought provoking or interesting way. but i'll get more into that in a bit.

ok, so lets look at this objectively:

its a very fast paced flash with decent frame by frame animation, use of quick cutting and editing tricks in place of jokes, yelling and loud noise in place of jokes, exaggerated faces and expressions replacing both punchlines and entire jokes, and concepts that really don't go anywhere and never established why any of it matterred, if it did at all. effectively playing a song "saved" christmas somehow and then jesus wanted zach for no reason but then doesn't get him. in the end, nothing really matterred and nothing really happenned. i guess they were better off in the end, but it didn't really say how.

ok, now for some opinions:

this was simply a bore. loud noises and quick cutting in order to try and illicit a laugh from an audience is the same as dangling keys in front of a baby in order to keep their attention. the animation, while above average, pulled this back from being what the humor was trying to make it. had the animation been worse and you two not as well known as you are, i would have rated this a little higher, explaining that you could improve, but as far as this being a better looking flash goes, the humor was pathetic. i don't know who did most of the writing here, but i do know zach has been funny and said funny things directly to me. where was that zach? where were the jokes, concepts, and self awareness?

the verdict:

no. no you two. this is not a good sign. giving you 3 1st awards in different areas seems to communicate to you that newgrounds and effectively all of its users want this. i call this the avatar effect; where something gets successful that is far less than deserving of that success and communicates to producers that the public wants more mediocre shlock. now i'm not saying your artistic effort is going to waste, but i'm saying that your humor is. you need to work on developing set-ups, pay-offs, situations that make some sense, and then you can throw these characters on top. it would give the overall experience some sort of memorability and charm. as it stands however, this is pretty bad.

oh wait no i actually meant to write LOL SO RANDUM 10/10 BEST FLASHE EVER WOULD BANG BRO

psychicpebbles responds:

Since you didn't want to talk about it via Skype, I'll say it here.

I went to another front paged cartoon and saw your review for it, and you said you found it funny. I went through some of your other reviews, and was more astounded.

Your sense of humor is absolutely atrocious. I'm extremely happy this didn't make you laugh, because apparently what makes you laugh is some of the least funny things I've ever watched. Watching your own work showcases your non existent "sense of humor", and your Sprite a Day cartoons display your work ethic and inability to apply your own ideas to your own work.

If you cherish these ideas you preach, why not apply them? As I've said before to you, it's like your father walking in with five cigarettes in this mouth and telling you not to smoke. You retorted with, "Roger Ebert doesn't have to make a movie to review something", and, no, you're absolutely right.

It isn't about that, I'm not saying you need to be better than me to review my work. There are a plethora of more funny, talented artists, far better than I am, and most likely will ever be. I take their words and listen to them and apply them to my work, though. I respect them and what they say, because they know what they're talking about. Your opinion and taste of humor is utter garbage, your sense of direction for what would be a good idea is nonsense, cheesy, one dimensional shit, and everything you say to myself or any other artist on this site should be laughed at.

Your words are meaningless, you're a hypocrite, and you have no idea what you're talking about. You have no sense of humor, no sense of how to structure a story that isn't spam cartoons, and again, should be laughed at when you try to form a coherent critique, because clearly your idea of good and funny are my definition of unfunny corny diarrhea.

I more than welcome any other reviewer to give me negative feedback. If you didn't like the cartoon I made, I really would like to hear it, and why. I'll listen, I want to be better. If I didn't want to be better I'd ignore it. If people aren't honest with me and kiss my ass it upsets me more than people giving me a zero. In fact, I'd MUCH rather receive a zero star review, someone vote zero, and then give a really long, well thought, coherent review that means something.

The next time you consider reviewing anyone's submissions, whether positive or negative, please remember your opinion is a joke. I'm not saying that to be an asshole, but everything you like, every thought you've uttered in the form of speech or text on this website is laughable, and I don't respect your words. No one I respect respects your words. Again, I'm not saying this to hurt you, although it might. I'm saying this from an honest stand point.

I appreciate that you didn't like this submission, and I appreciate you cared enough to review it, I really do. I care enough to let you know from the bottom of my heart, that you have one of the worst overall opinions I've ever seen. You are NOT a reviewer who knows what he's talking about. You think you do, and you think I want to follow your vision.

If you actually want to earn some respect, and have people respect you as an artist and a person, stop being a joke. Stop reviewing one cartoon and bashing it for X, and then reviewing another and praising it for doing the exact same thing you previously critiqued and bashed. If you want respect to your name, make something that isn't spam cartoons. You've been submitting to and using this site for quite a while now with nearly no improvement. If you want respect, improve. Do these great ideas you talk to me about all of the time. Make a well structured concept with three dimensional characters and good pay off to the story, with an interesting arc.

I gave you the benefit of the doubt previously and took your words and pretended you knew what you were talking about. I was wrong. If I took your advice, my work would be cliched, unfunny sprite movies that only you would LOL at.

Please listen to my words, as I listened to yours.

[Derpasaurus Rex]

well boy that honestly wasn't funny... i'm not even sure i can comment with "it was well made", but if it was, i think i'd have to rate it even less for trying so hard to go in the wrong direction.

what i can say is that at its core, you have a character that inhabits the word "derp". one that nobody but little kids and my little pony fans use with any bit of sincerity. not to mention a character that is simply mistakenly doing things isn't exactly interesting or new in any way. the entire use of an escape convict was pretty empty and irrelevant, though i guess it was used as a "plot device" to clumsily introduce the clumsy character.

as for what it did ok: the animation was decent. there was a written joke. the delivery was decent, and not very contrived.

thats about it. you really need to work on writing a more interesting character in a more interesting situation. i mean, i think the animation is perfectly suited for a silly webshow (since its not aiming for avant garde or any sort of visual masterpiece status), and you could definitely work out some interesting jokes. i just do not find anything interesting about a character that is literally a re-skin of "derpy hooves" or whatever the horse is called.

in fact the more i write, the more its blatantly obvious to me that the one major problem is simply the character decision. why did you make it about this character at all? its simply an empty character with nothing going for him but the size and the clumsy nature, and even that isn't very interesting since we have seen this kind of character before.

FrozenFire responds:

Awww I'm sorry you feel that way bud.

Honestly though you only get a small taste of Rex. You can't really conclude you know everything about him just yet. We have over 12 episodes written already :)

Also you keep bringing up ponies but I have no idea what you're talking about.

[GameGrumps Goofballs]

i was pleasantly surprized. i seriously despise jontron, but i loved the written story as jarring as it was. great work with this thing you've made.

AmazinLarry responds:

Thanks

[Friendship is Poopy]

roger ebert says "a modern masterpiece of medical science. it has changed the way doctors view health and patient safety around sharp objects. 2 outta 8"

time magazine calls it "fuck you", and "... get out of my house you know i dont like black people in my house. shoo!"

and my dad calls it "a real good time with my son. i hope to watch it with him during one of our slumber parties."

Wegra responds:

Oh this reviews a keeper

[Slender Snap]

the writing:

nameless guy wanders off to take pictures for no reason, takes 2 pictures. slender comes and kills him in what amounts to 2 sloppy jumpscares. i dont have a problem with the nameless guy, or the use of slender, but to really expect it to be scary or even slightly startling is beyond me.

the presentation:

slightly flawed shading encompasses a decent forest that is unnaturally well lit. the introduction shot makes no sense though because the campfire in addittion to the people sitting around it didn't matter and werent the focus. it really didn't make much sense to reveal that, nor did it make sense to use slender as a title. that takes away any build or tension to what the danger actually is. the slender animation was above average, as is most of the frame by frame, but its fairly cliche in facial expression, the coughing of blood, the use of shadows to lead into a jump cut, etc. the entire thing feels like you just wanted to throw slender somewhere without actually building to it.

the sound design:

top notch. even though its jumpscare poop sounds, the static was ok, and the music was well implemented. too bad it was good to a detriment because ti was genuinely tense and creepy while the flash was kind of small and cliche.

the verdict:

cliche, boring, jump scares along with a character who is introduced in an environment that makes no sense runs away from a thing and dies while pretty good music plays, and visually executed ok. its middle of the road and lacks anything that i would call part of a great flash, but has its audience i'm sure.

Alpha-Nuva responds:

You are correct; this is mostly for Slender fans. I was going to name the movie something more misleading, but that would hinder peoples' search for a Slenderman cartoon. Given the time constraints on this, I didn't really have the freedom to go all-out and create a New York Times review-worthy plot.

However, I figured that with what I had, I created a decent exposition. This kid is with his friends on a camping trip, but, due to his loner personality, spends most of his time by himself, using his camera to snap pics. Naturally, he wants to fill up his photo album, so he goes off and snaps a few shots. It's not the best of plots, but I think it's a serious misjudgment to say that it makes "no sense."

As for everything else, this was more of an opportunity for the three of us to flex our muscles. I wanted to practice with a different style; Scott and Piggemz wanted to construct a crisp and scary soundtrack.

[Transit]

dammit man you are still so impressive. i wish i was as good as you 3 years ago. great going once again my friend

Emrox responds:

Thankya pal