Horsenwelles's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

["Of ducks and drugs"]

i hate you drugs! why did you kill our lords and saviors!!!

Kolumbo responds:

deddd

[HIGH OR DIE - 4/20/13]

this event is happening forever you idiot you put in the wrong warning

LapisLapines responds:

OOPS.

[Birth]

marcy that was a fantastic flash. its such a firthian style that feels disgusting and flat, but devours up those aspects and vomits them as charm. the pacing, the animation style, the sound, the music, everything has this sense of wonder and life (pun intended) to every frame. there's nothing at all right with anything in this flash, and that my fellow newgrounds users, is why everything is right with it.

one of the best flashes i have ever seen.

MarcyVF responds:

WOW thank you so much! I really didn't have Firth in mind untill during the making of it, but that's a nice comment. Jan Svankmajer and Don Hertzfeldt were kind of thought of from the start.

[Five Second Collab]

pants.gif

SoupSquad responds:

stone.png

[Dandy: No Evil 006]

its not bad, but its pointless. the entire thing is a bunch of pointless events. even in concept, its pointless.

A. what made them have to be animals anatomically similar to people that speak in southern english when there was no reason for it in the context of the story?
B. what was the relevance of the scarecrow scene and why did it matter?
C. what was the point of the rabbit anf the other wolf telling them that they ate dandelions when they didn't lead to anything other than an upset boss which had nothing to do with the boss?
D. why did she ask where the scarecrow was when she saw what happenned to it?
E. what was the entire point to this? they work on a farm for some reason and he makes 2 mistakes. thats all that happens, and its not like the characters were there to react in an interesting way to those mistakes, which leads me back to question A.

this was pointless, empty, but it was animated pretty decently and its not harmful to anyone. i just don't see where this was going or what it was setting out to do. apparently its a comedy of some sort, but its just not... well... really funny to me. its just sort of boring and familiar.

anyway, you got the sound and your artstyle down, but the writing and the direction need a ton of work.

Warlord-of-Noodles responds:

Oh I dunno... I've successfully gotten you to ask the correct questions^^ I say I've done VERY well.
It's so adorable how you've "gotten it" without "getting it"

[Game Grumps: The Movie]

i explained what you do wrong with comedy in my last reviews, so i'll look at this one a little more briskly.

its a gamegrumps animation in which you make fun of people that make gamegrumps animations when in and of itself, it is created by one. its about zooming in on faces that were drawn like something you'd see on 4 chan to illicit laughs, they act silly for no particular rhyme or reason, and there is 1 jab at the editor, and i honestly think that is the best joke you have ever written, or should i say, the joke you've ever written,

why does that joke work? well its jontron's editing in a nutshell. the way it was executed was rather funny, and i definitely enjoyed how it was a full out satire at that point, and not some dumb mix of things. kudos.

overall, it is surprisingly your best, its not as obnoxious or grating as your other works i've reviewed, and i even laughed once. you might be heading back on track.

Speedo responds:

horse

[PACMAN DIES AAAH]

i dont write negative reviews just to be writing them. at this point i'm not even sure you understand how funny generally works. in fact i'm not really sure you knew what this flash was or why you were making it. i'm not sure if you were going for a satire of the unnatural "silly" faces and yelling or you were indulging upon them because you wrote "lol get it" or something to that effect by the end, and it was pointing towards it being a satire, but without any of the elements of satire.

it was a very empty flash in writing terms. what do i mean by this? well, lets think of a joke. a joke has a set up, occasionally a trial period through the joke, and a pay off. you set the stage by having about 5 loud, obnoxious faces that didn't matter or mean anything. they weren't a part of the joke delivery because there was no set up, and the pay off was really just showing how pacman looks in the game itself. i then ask why did you choose to make that a pay off at all if its all very obvious and had nothing to do with the silly obnoxious faces. the faces cannot be the pay off of a joke because its like if i showed you a picture of a flower and you laughed hysterically at it, considering it a pay off for a joke when nothing was established ahead of time to set up the joke. objects themselves aren't funny alone, and a face that you normally don't see is not a joke.

now for the other element: yelling. yelling is another tool you can use for a pay off, but when used without a set up, it is also not funny. "BALLS" isn't funny because it wasn't a part of something. it is a word that you yelled. you have these ghosts just standing around and then they start yelling. that's it. then you have them screaming and jittering around in reaction to a death. that's the closest this came to having a joke because the yelling was about something. the only problem with that implementation is that its not really anything new. its just a glorified amount of violence that really didn't mean anything. the shaking visuals in response to it are just annoying and pointless.

ok, now for what i originally said about the unsure nature of this flash. were you aware that saying "lol get it" or whatever you wrote is entirely contradictory to what a parody is? a satire would have benefited from that ending, but you put effort towards a bunch of things that someone would satire in the effort to parody. do you even know what setting out to do a certain thing is? if you were setting out to make this a parody, i wouldn't really bother writing this huge block of text, but this is just mind boggling. who was this flash for? was this made to make fun of a certain audience or appeal to one, because the amount of effort towards the latter tells me that you really didn't know if you were making fun of the audience or giving something to them. you don't seem to have goals for your flashes, but at least the others kind of knew what they were.

in the long awaited closing, let me just say that you definitely need to think ahead. you need to find some overall goal for your flash. you need to go all the way in one direction or the other. you do animate well, but you lack any sort of creative vision from this material. maybe stop making obnoxiousness the goal and slow down your material. don't stubbornly fight against progress and fall blindly into an audience that likes things that are loud and pointless. you have the ability to be better, and this flash is like an insult to yourself and your audience. it shows how ignorant and juvenile they are, and i think you should turn yourself around instead of bathing in their very pathetic praise.

stop pandering for your own sake. you're better than that

Speedo responds:

Horsenwells was spitting facts 10 years ago ngl

[Canned's Sad Birthday]

i'm sorry dereck... i seriously did work on mine and i'll submit it late, but i didn't forget. not to mention mikey's a faggot <3

Dosensuppen responds:

Mikey's a faggot indeed.

[Oney In a Nutshell]

this had no protein bearing plant life in it. false advertising check your facts unsubscribe

DotExecutables responds:

Oh no not da unsubscrib u mak mai willy sad :c

I did check my facts. Oney even liked the video and commented that he agreed.

Please don't be angry on teh interwebs is all in good enngg

[A Hellbenders Christmas]

oh my god.

zach, we talked about this. we talked in depth about this. you haven't learned from your writing mistakes, nor pushed your actual funny ideas onto paper in a positive way. i don't know if this was chris's fault or what, but my god nothing about this was funny in any thought provoking or interesting way. but i'll get more into that in a bit.

ok, so lets look at this objectively:

its a very fast paced flash with decent frame by frame animation, use of quick cutting and editing tricks in place of jokes, yelling and loud noise in place of jokes, exaggerated faces and expressions replacing both punchlines and entire jokes, and concepts that really don't go anywhere and never established why any of it matterred, if it did at all. effectively playing a song "saved" christmas somehow and then jesus wanted zach for no reason but then doesn't get him. in the end, nothing really matterred and nothing really happenned. i guess they were better off in the end, but it didn't really say how.

ok, now for some opinions:

this was simply a bore. loud noises and quick cutting in order to try and illicit a laugh from an audience is the same as dangling keys in front of a baby in order to keep their attention. the animation, while above average, pulled this back from being what the humor was trying to make it. had the animation been worse and you two not as well known as you are, i would have rated this a little higher, explaining that you could improve, but as far as this being a better looking flash goes, the humor was pathetic. i don't know who did most of the writing here, but i do know zach has been funny and said funny things directly to me. where was that zach? where were the jokes, concepts, and self awareness?

the verdict:

no. no you two. this is not a good sign. giving you 3 1st awards in different areas seems to communicate to you that newgrounds and effectively all of its users want this. i call this the avatar effect; where something gets successful that is far less than deserving of that success and communicates to producers that the public wants more mediocre shlock. now i'm not saying your artistic effort is going to waste, but i'm saying that your humor is. you need to work on developing set-ups, pay-offs, situations that make some sense, and then you can throw these characters on top. it would give the overall experience some sort of memorability and charm. as it stands however, this is pretty bad.

oh wait no i actually meant to write LOL SO RANDUM 10/10 BEST FLASHE EVER WOULD BANG BRO

psychicpebbles responds:

Since you didn't want to talk about it via Skype, I'll say it here.

I went to another front paged cartoon and saw your review for it, and you said you found it funny. I went through some of your other reviews, and was more astounded.

Your sense of humor is absolutely atrocious. I'm extremely happy this didn't make you laugh, because apparently what makes you laugh is some of the least funny things I've ever watched. Watching your own work showcases your non existent "sense of humor", and your Sprite a Day cartoons display your work ethic and inability to apply your own ideas to your own work.

If you cherish these ideas you preach, why not apply them? As I've said before to you, it's like your father walking in with five cigarettes in this mouth and telling you not to smoke. You retorted with, "Roger Ebert doesn't have to make a movie to review something", and, no, you're absolutely right.

It isn't about that, I'm not saying you need to be better than me to review my work. There are a plethora of more funny, talented artists, far better than I am, and most likely will ever be. I take their words and listen to them and apply them to my work, though. I respect them and what they say, because they know what they're talking about. Your opinion and taste of humor is utter garbage, your sense of direction for what would be a good idea is nonsense, cheesy, one dimensional shit, and everything you say to myself or any other artist on this site should be laughed at.

Your words are meaningless, you're a hypocrite, and you have no idea what you're talking about. You have no sense of humor, no sense of how to structure a story that isn't spam cartoons, and again, should be laughed at when you try to form a coherent critique, because clearly your idea of good and funny are my definition of unfunny corny diarrhea.

I more than welcome any other reviewer to give me negative feedback. If you didn't like the cartoon I made, I really would like to hear it, and why. I'll listen, I want to be better. If I didn't want to be better I'd ignore it. If people aren't honest with me and kiss my ass it upsets me more than people giving me a zero. In fact, I'd MUCH rather receive a zero star review, someone vote zero, and then give a really long, well thought, coherent review that means something.

The next time you consider reviewing anyone's submissions, whether positive or negative, please remember your opinion is a joke. I'm not saying that to be an asshole, but everything you like, every thought you've uttered in the form of speech or text on this website is laughable, and I don't respect your words. No one I respect respects your words. Again, I'm not saying this to hurt you, although it might. I'm saying this from an honest stand point.

I appreciate that you didn't like this submission, and I appreciate you cared enough to review it, I really do. I care enough to let you know from the bottom of my heart, that you have one of the worst overall opinions I've ever seen. You are NOT a reviewer who knows what he's talking about. You think you do, and you think I want to follow your vision.

If you actually want to earn some respect, and have people respect you as an artist and a person, stop being a joke. Stop reviewing one cartoon and bashing it for X, and then reviewing another and praising it for doing the exact same thing you previously critiqued and bashed. If you want respect to your name, make something that isn't spam cartoons. You've been submitting to and using this site for quite a while now with nearly no improvement. If you want respect, improve. Do these great ideas you talk to me about all of the time. Make a well structured concept with three dimensional characters and good pay off to the story, with an interesting arc.

I gave you the benefit of the doubt previously and took your words and pretended you knew what you were talking about. I was wrong. If I took your advice, my work would be cliched, unfunny sprite movies that only you would LOL at.

Please listen to my words, as I listened to yours.