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Horsenwelles
i'm horsen. i make cartoons, music, art, and mischief on the net. get down you funky clowns.

Daniel @Horsenwelles

Age 31, Male

animator

davidson highschool graduate

alabama torture

Joined on 10/9/06

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Horsenwelles's News

Posted by Horsenwelles - August 25th, 2023


iu_1059970_1759205.gifi went 2 far in a few places


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Posted by Horsenwelles - August 9th, 2023


iu_1046234_1759205.webpiu_1046235_1759205.webp14387 x 14929 = MTGA damage amount limiter is the multiplication of two prime numbersiu_1046236_1759205.webp


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Posted by Horsenwelles - May 28th, 2023


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I DID THIS BY COMPLETE ACCIDENT WTF!? 1:37"777!iu_981348_1759205.jpg

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Posted by Horsenwelles - March 13th, 2023


Impassioned ideal meanwhile lemonade Medallion Moses Allah Daniel Passional dismiss false messiah Seaweed saleswomen salmonella wholesale weaponless demolishes millipedes wellholes wheelsman wholeness wholesale windmills womanless salesman pinwheel joined alien Aisha lawman leaned jewish

lown hand damn same fame hoof fole

pill worm slime flips demon handle

leaped of failed dopes poses shows

Wild animal lashes slain slowed

Hides pills shelf lease leash heals

I slam Islam spies lies flies dies

Phone none wise woman in sphere

psalms limes smile shoes made elf

foams fled sled deals ads wolf flow

DJW<3


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Posted by Horsenwelles - February 21st, 2023


iu_902983_1759205.webpGARFIEEEEEEEEEEEELD


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Posted by Horsenwelles - February 8th, 2023


iu_890858_1759205.webp


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Posted by Horsenwelles - January 11th, 2023


https://letterboxd.com/Horsenwelles/films/reviews/

https://letterboxd.com/horsenwelles/lists/


and yes jordan peele i am literally going to make a bag that has "stolen shit" stitched on the bag but i need a better more durable bag for the footage for song of the south 2: electric boogaloo where mel brooks runs in on screen with it in his hands

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Posted by Horsenwelles - December 8th, 2022


killer7cloudman B LIEKiu_832085_1759205.gif


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Posted by Horsenwelles - November 5th, 2022


THE LATEST ATTRACTION AT THE FAIR: COME ONE; COME ALL!


written and edited by Daniel J. "Horsenwelles" Williams


This particular story was imagined several years ago when time was easier to grasp in my hands second by second. but now, i have to give you the particular perspective of a young child who is lucky enough to receive a raffle ticket at his school's most legendary affair, the talent show!


Let's begin the story here, in Troy Michigan, October 28th, 2010, where the weather is always partly cloudy and the sun is shining every morning for the buses to approach the homes of the children who gather for their routine traveling. There was a small and subtle but undeserved look upon the face of Kim's older step brother David Price who was setting up the table in the morning for their breakfast before school.


Kim approached her brother with tears in her blurry and concerned eyes and asked politely: "Why am I the winner of some lucky raffle ticket? Why am I the chosen one to go to whatever this new thing is or whatever, I don't know..." she said as she unraveled the newspaper article mentioning her very name.


David comes over and gives her a hug. "It's just luck sis. it's eventually going to be someone at some point. might as well be us, right?" david said as he laid out the morning breakfast consisting of pork, eggs, cheese, and tomatoes all perfectly placed on a warm biscuit, and then paid a bit of attention to his shoes being nipped at by a small ferret named pinkie. he picks up the adorable creature and places him in his ball. 


David: Hey, make sure to not get any cheese on the new shirt I just did in the laundry last night, okay?


Kim: Yeah, it's fine, whatever. it's not like i'm going to enjoy YOUR nasty breakfast anyways! (she pokes her tongue out at him as she laughs.)


the day is cheery and continues in a fantastic bliss when all of a sudden the door is knocked on with three TIP TAP TIPS and the sound of clopping shoes that mean business followed by the shuffling of some sort of tapestry fluttering in the wind from behind the steps. it's of course the carousel owner, Mrs. Tabitha. Tabitha knocks at the door with her crimson rod that is glistening in gold and crystal talismans that have been passed down throughout history. carved with a precision and nature that makes the echo of the pounding on the door a bit.... strange. as if something very powerful has now approached.


she shouts: HEY KIDS COME ON! I GOT THE VA... I MEAN CARNIVAL BUS LOADED WITH ALL THE EQUIPMENT FOR THE ACTIVITIES! we are going to have a BLAST!


The door opens wide to two happy and curious children both ready to experience the most wonderful thing that has ever been thought up in the entire world. As they approach her majesty coat and high heel boots, she reveals a bag of candies and snacks and toys as if she had been Santa Clause herself.


Kim: I don't think this is going to be a good idea... this is probably one of those Chris Hansen situations.


David: STRANGER DANGER! We best watch ourselves sis! She’s gonna put us in one of those vans and we won’t be seen again! GRAB YOUR GUNS QUICK! 


The children belt out in laughter and run around in circles with absolute hilarity in their systems.


Tabitha: now, now i'm not penn state graduate or some kind of stupid catholic priest, but i'm sure I’ve inticed you enough to get your little butts on the bus so you can get to see the MOST EPIC THING YOU HAVE EVER SAWED IN YOUR WHOLE LIVES IN THE BIG OLD WORLD AND STUFF!


The kids run into the bus throwing money everywhere. The bus is filled with a bunch of strange older people who all have their make-up and costumes prepared for the entertaining evening. Kim decides to sit down at the chair next to a nice older woman who is labeled "employee# C24 Rosselle White" she is  made up as a cast member that is wearing a wetsuit covered in silly cotton balls and funny objects that are all glued meticulously to the material. she looks to Kim and says:


R.W.: you really ain't ready to see any of this... i'm sorry they got us involved in something like this and i just want you to enjoy the ride i guess.... by the way it's nice to meet you Kimberly! I heard so much about you in the school auditorium during the raffle.


Kim: That's.... really weird of you to notice me but okay. Why do you know so much about me?


R.W.: please understand.... The foundation did research on every individual applicant and we DO read through your assigned roles and essential talents and types of behavior over the school year. they give all us cast members a notice in our smart phones that include everything about you. I really do not mean anything by it but... I'm sorry they do this to you.


Kim: IT'S NOT RIGHT! they should have told me that i'd be shown off like this... my brother doesn't even know about anything i did in school and he's all like.... "well who cares about school these days? people just get shot by guns and play ball to get rich or whatever so who cares about it? Why should we keep going to school? To get AIDS?


R.W.: You know you could have just said thanks aight... idc. but thank you for talking to me. it's been a real trip being designed for this kind of... routine...


Kim: routine?  what it's like one thing you do like don't you stand there and spin or press a button or something?


R.W.: .... i'm a gear manager and axle operator... It's more complex than that. just.... Please don't ask me about it.


The bus zooms down the highway passing by fields of beautiful trees and vineyards all covered up by pipelines and spraying water nozzles. It's a festive, beautiful pathway towards the state fair in the Frosty heights of Troy Michigain. The highest skyline is interrupted by the incoming view of a beautiful structure high in the sky. a swirling and sloping scene of incredible hanging roller coaster tracks that are glistening as the sun's rays just perfectly align behind the structure as the sign that welcomes the entire city to the wonders that are about to benefit the guests.


"COME ONE, COME ALL! TO THE MICHIGAN STATE CARNIVAL!" is written in gigantic blue and green letters that are boastfully jutting out of the side of a monolithic gateway. the bus just zooms on through and the whole bus goes completely silent as the singing of the driver's microphone chimes on:


Bus Driver: All right everyone! We have arrived at the new state fair and there is no turning back now! We are ready for routine evac and safety, we thank you for choosing Greyhound bus traveling services and we hope you are ready for a wonder.. ful um... hey tabby can i get you a sec hun this th" click!


The bus comes to a stop near the parkway entrance where several working men are moving all sorts of woodwork and casts and models for the showcase in the lobby entrance. Tabitha is talking with the bus driver with a bit of a disgruntled and very confused manner while the kids get out and watch the cast members all get into loading docks and prepare for the day.


The morning air is thick with fog and the crew is all in tip top shape for the biggest unveiling of the most intricate and well-hidden secret in all of Michigan history; the new kind of wild ride. the people assemble in line after line and are all packing operating bits and pieces down the assembly line as the rooms beyond the lobby are hidden in curtains that are so massive that you have to arch your back to look up in order to see the rods and reels hoisting them up in the rafters of the assembly hall.


The placement of the newest attraction is just within reach of the children's fingertips, when all of a sudden Tabitha smacks the tip of her cane against Kim's right shoulder, who had been staring in awe of the massive red cloth. Tabitha says to her closely: this is the part where you might want to back up a bit...


The curtains shift away being reeled incredibly fast by an automated curtain shifter pulley that leaves the new ride in complete and... well... naked sight to behold. there is a row of laying human bodies all in assembled order on their knees, heels, hands, backs, and so on, laid out in a stairway that leads to more scantily clad people all painted with different vibrant colors that all intertwine in the way of an actual human standing, contorted, and piled room, entirely writhing with hands, legs, feet, heads, butts, and all sorts of other things compressed in ways never before known by mankind.


the kids are in complete shock by this scene and they stare in oblivious terror as Tabitha states out loud:


Tabitha: Okay, I know what you're thinking.... but actually this is all just made for the effects. so don't worry about it. None of this is actually real. we really worked VERY hard on these plaster molds and animatronic models for the look of the feature, so don't be too scared, for me okay guys?


David: I'm... okay I need to put this on facebook. I think I need to report this or something like a war crime or somethi....


*smack* The smartphone is smacked out of David's now trembling hand. He looks up at tabitha with utter contempt and rage in his glaring eyes. She takes her cane and smashes the smartphone.


Tabitha: there is to be NO recording of video of this device i have cleverly and most DEVILISHLY kept secret for YEARS so you two will have to be patient and you will have to sign this NDA form if you wish to continue looking or being a part of this place.


Kim: AN NDA!?!?! What is this kind of weapon!?! why am i supposed to not record this thing, is it going to send me to hell or something?


Tabitha: listen, this is my life's work and i must have you both swear to secrecy that this amazing attraction WHICH WILL BE PUBLIC SOON MIND YOU be entirely secret so we can keep this idea with ourselves and not twitter mobs and all the media nonsense that clutters my offices.


David: You destroyed my phone. you HAVE got to pay for that i did NOT agree to this this is BULLSHIT i  am not le-


Tabitha: I'm paying you entirely for the property damages and even more, so you'll get seven thousand NOW! and seven thousand to shut up while we continue, okay you lil' scamp?


David: Hey don't talk down to me just because you're older! I see what you old people are like at night and I don't have to take it!


Tabitha: clever boy. Now let's just have some time to clear the air and settle on the money talking shall we?


Kim (privately to David): she's obviously in the know.... she knows we like money! whoah! like she isn't kidding around here! next she'll be getting us a diamond ring or something. lets be real safe about this and dont get too (she grabs a bunch of cash from david's hand mid-speech) greedy about it i mean she knows how easily manipulated us stupid little kids seem to be these days. but i'm not stupid. i'm going to get the mostest money out of this before you even know it and i think you can't get as much, stupid!


David: knock it off sis, I don't need the hustle of all this sweet green dirty bribe money money dolla  dolla bills baby oh man look at all the candy we can get with this whoa dude!


Tabitha: (laughs hysterically with evil intent as she bewitchingly enters the cavern of human bodies) I know how to make the kids do what I want. They are all the same. they see the moving fluttery paper and suddenly they think "we have the whole world in our hands" well Lahh Deeee Daaah! I just so happen to hold all the cards here and they would NEVER think of following me further into this beautiful structure to take a SCARY SPOOKY RIDE ON IT FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!!! would they?


the kids rush in without thinking twice. They are off laughing and with complete childlike delight as the amount of bodies around them go from tens to hundreds to thousands of people all assembled into cubic boxes and all tied up to straps and axles and gears and hardware operating all over the place.


There is a huge curvature to the pile of humans that loops around  a huge center pillar that has the moving axle rods in place to allow the massive... FERRIS WHEEL OF FLESH moves in its rotation while keeping the boxes of assembled human bodies in place. It truly is a living ferris wheel.


There is a considerable amount of moaning and screams coming from the structure itself as tabitha shows the two children to their seats... made of people's bodies... or what appear to be people. they aren't sure. but in no time they are already being lifted around with precision as if they were on a normal five hundred feet tall contraption. There is no stopping them as the ferris wheel begins to writhe and contort as it rotates faster and faster. screams and bodies are all that they can see. nothing but spinning and screaming faces and body parts all next to them as the piles of flesh move and shift to comply with the structure spinning outward.


The ride is simply... intense and vomit inducing. The faces of people are covered in vomit, spittle, and anything else spewing out of the people who all bear their own part of this insane machine. There is laughter coming from Tabitha who is sitting across from the children as she lowers her top hat and fixes her glasses in devilish delight.


Tabitha: well...? did you feel it? that sensation of complete and utter lack of control? (she moves her hand across the chest of one of the women strapped in as furniture as she says this. knowingly that her pun was DEFINITELY intended to be funny but she knows nobody laughs at these kinds of jokes...) the THRILL of being BLINDED BY FATE! (she jostles herself in her seat, which happens to be a man's face) and how you simply toe.... something... um.... I don't have many jokes about this sort of thing. i was trying to do a bit here but-


David: ENOUGH! STOP WITH THE JOKES LADY I CAN'T FEEL MY ARMS!


Kim: yeah this ride is *gasp* too much (she throws up all over her new shirt. The cheese made its return! see! i told you i would do a thing stories do anyway the vomit comes out and she laughs.)


Tabitha: STOP THE BOA- i mean.... um.... RIDE!


The contraption slows down to a halt, and the group gets off the ride. They all get pictures taken and they get candy and drinks in the lobby. The curtains move back into place, and all the people sigh in relief that their shift has just concluded in the first test of the ride.


Tabitha: Alright everyone, I hope you enjoyed the unveiling! please go enjoy yourselves to the gift shop and buy as much merch as possible to show your friends and family! we DO NOT get paid in good looks you know!


The kids buy a bunch of nonsense and toys and they continue outward to the rest of the fairgrounds. they are in cheery and delightful harmony as the mid-day sun begins to set over the trees in the distance. Tabitha smiles and turns to observe the curtains slowly ruffling back where they belong. she notices something a little off though... one of the ropes was missing a knot in the winding structure at the base of the ride. she knew she'd have to get Dante from Maintenance to check up on the problem. He's always doing routine check-ups at that time of day, so he would be around for the upkeep and detailing of the day's end.


Dante Carpenter: Miss Tabby, I'm having some issues with the.... well you'll have to come see it. it (they go behind the curtain and talk for a while as the children are far too busy playing with their new merchandise to care).


Kim: isn't this statue awesome!? I can't wait to show mom!


David: yeah! it's really cool but... hey wait.... I didn't give you ketchup this morning on your sandwich did i?


Kim: no.... why?


David: Look down.


The remaining stain on Kimberley's new shirt she had just cleaned was covered in red and green fluids. Neither of which resembled cheese from their morning breakfast.)


Kim: Oh... Groooosssss!!!! someone got like... Red gunk all over me please don't tell me its AIDS BLOOD! EW, EW, EW!


David: Oh god , I hope not. I mean there were a lot of bare.... bodies in that thing. I sure hope nobody got really hurt doing all the... squishing and... um.... stuff.


Kim: Okay that's it i'm done i'm going home this is bullshit i am not doing laundry and finding out i got malaria because of this place.


David: Yeah, I feel you. Let's get out of here.


The children gather their belongings and head toward the entrance to call for their ride home. Tabitha follows them out after hearing the news about the missing parts from the machinery. She gives both the kids a warm hug and takes off her top hat.


Tabitha: I'm really sorry you didn't have the fun time you thought you would, so I'll make sure you are both compensated with free tickets to the circus on Friday and this bunch of RAFFLE MONEY that I had stuffed away in my magical hat!


David: stop giving us stuff you old weirdo! this place might have gotten my sister sick and your ride was like... three stars at best. i think you would like use a shower and also, i'm done walking around this huge place just to end up buying trinkets. and don't you THINK for a second i forgot about my-


Tabitha: your phone? oh! yeah. Here's a brand new one and two thousand dollars. Now I'm ALSO not going to have to deal with this whole shirt fiasco, so how's about you take this brand new "STRAIGHT OUTTA CARNIVAL '' T shirt I have here in my wacky T-shirt cannon I have for no reason!


Tabitha fires the Tshirts onto them as the kids laugh and play. Tabitha laughs and smiles knowing that her work was mostly done for the day. though she didn't tell them about the one problem they ran into earlier where the worker with the strange suit went missing from her ordained position. She seemed to have left during the reset, but it didn't seem too important, so for now, Tabitha fixes her glasses, and the day with the raffle winners is concluded with calm success! If only that Dante would be able to find out what happened to that worker and all those gears...


November 5th 2010- three days after the unveiling


We continue the story now as Dante opens up the shops and makes sure the electronics are all functioning throughout the park in the early morning of the park opening to the public. He dismantles old structures that have no use around the park every week and repurposes them to use on other mechanical vehicles in the framework of the fair.


Dante: I suppose I begin here, where the coffee is hot and the water is on tap because oh boy do i have a story to tell y'all today about the happenings i 'been finding on the latest.. um... "attraction".


So please sit tight and get some snacks and drinks because it's a doozy... yesterday's affair was just unreal. Tabby ain't shown up yet so she'll get to the point once she starts at nine O' Clock. I'll begin the story of what happened about the rides first day right now, which is currently November 6th.


So I been looking through the bits and pieces of the system operator of the carnival ride unit: LFW1123 and I was entirely shocked by the amount of weird happenings were going on yesterday. someone in a tracksuit was messing with one of the levers and it broke off in a... um... very unprofessional way shall we say.


The operators on the axles and the hoisting ropes that strap in the people in seperation to their animatronic counterparts is all cut to bits. someone has been using their nails and a sharp object of some kind to splinter the wooden beams. there's also some screws missing here and there along the west side of the contraption. I think someone is in there messing with my hourly duties and giving me the business... well... I'm not too afraid of tabby or frank or James. they... wait... you guys don't know them yet so i better not be too specific.


Anyways, I was just getting back to giving the staff their water when all of a sudden tabitha came up screaming about some malfunction on one of the spinning tea cup rides we have. She was getting me off to fix that situation when all of a sudden there was this big KABOOM sound in the back of the park near the large wooden roller coaster. It seemed to be a full dismantling explosion in the Woodland Majesty (tm) ride and the carts were all smashing at the reloading dock. it seemed as if someone set off a series of electrical shutdowns mid-ride. luckily i didn't see anyone get hurt by it but the whole structure began to light up in flames.


i was just shocked and i couldn't act quickly enough to get the fire squad to get everyone out of the thing. but it wasn't that bad once we actually got there. it seemed to be a transistor explosion and not too much else so we got her fixed up right quickly.


injuries were minor and the park avoided a huge lawsuit thanks to our fast and effective work ethic. It was also really exciting to actually be able to do something of value for once. Then we had lunch.


at about Five O' Clock pm we had the worst turn of events though. It was about the most ear piercing sound you have ever heard when the axle of the main operating system in the newest attraction snapped. The cables went haywire and sliced through several of the bodies positioned throughout the ride. It was one bloody and gruesome sight to behold as the pieces of moving and convulsing people all squish and disassemble with such... fine precision. it wasn't something i want to describe but i have to. the whole thing made up of people and animatronic people all just burst into flames just like the prior roller coaster.


It was a calamity. Nothing I have ever seen will express what happened that evening. There was people covered in blood covered in ropes, parts of machinery, splinters, all the other fluids you could imagine running for their lives to dismantle and get out of the ride. people were on fire falling from four hundred feet in the air. the smell of bodies burning is all that enraptured me that day.... oh god the smell... of plastic and wires and electricity mixed with burning flesh.... it's not something i want to ever experience again.


I was assisting some of the survivors when all of a sudden a monolithic explosion of body parts both human and machine, all splayed over the greenery of the park. Blood and oil rained down on the ground like it was some kind of hurricane. it was beyond my comprehension to witness.


There were 72 hired officials who were trapped in the wreckage. I could only salvage the lives of 33. the animatronics i have to either repair or smelt down is about 40. the gears and rods damaged all amount to a repair cost that is gonna really piss off Tabby... I don't know what else to write about yesterday's job. The loss of life was not fair nor resolute. None of it was right.


I feel like someone was planning this whole thing to go down though. I don't know how to put my finger on it but something felt like I was being misled earlier with the roller coaster... someone was doing something behind our backs and now they owe us justice for this.


if yall gonna hear the last words i gotta say on this well so be it then. this shit right here is FUBAR and i'm NOT being blamed for some stupid plot to hire vagrants and...." 

the tape ends


PART 2 BELOW


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Posted by Horsenwelles - October 27th, 2022


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JACKPOT PAY UP NINTENDO


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